This press message was released by the Government of the Commonwealth of Rutania.
Attention, Nations of the World.
Rutania's foreign minister, A picture of Howard Taft, in all his flat, shinny, framed glory, along with Rutania's glorious Prime Ministers, a group of Seven overweight four year olds, would like to announce on this grand day, July 25th, the Year of Our Bob 2487, that heinous and terrible crimes have been committed.
It seems as though the Whig Party, the shame of the United Kingdom of Beluzia and Bailon, cannot keep their hand out of the cookie jar. Captain Hector Barbossa, known pedophile and practicing Satanist, has over stepped his duties as Foreign Embarassment of the Kingdom and insulted the proud people of Rutania. Surely, Barbossa can lay off the sauce for a few moments to understand it is he who deserves to apologize to Rutania, and to the 35 live Dolphins he ate whilst drinking a babies blood (Runtania Foreign Ministry Informants have seen this), for his terrible and foolish insults and demands to and of the Rutanian peoples.
-From the desk of A Picture of Howard Taft, May his mighty glare and picture frame shine for eternity.
*Rutania*Signed,
the Government of the Commonwealth of Rutania