This press message was released by the Government of the Republic of Aldegar.
On behalf of the leadership of the Democratic Alliance, I would like to offer my sincere regret and shame for the insane actions which the First Minister, Frederick Templeton, recently took in attempting to convert Aldegar into a ‘Gay and Lesbian Republic’.
Upon personally interviewing Mr. Templeton, it became clear that he has been suffering from great personal strains in recent months, and was in the middle of a nervous breakdown. Alcohol dependence, drug addictions, debt problems and a failed relationship with the coach of the Extreme Ironing National Team appear to have played a part in his tragic decline. Whilst we may never be able to understand exactly what drove Mr. Templeton to do what he did, it is clear that he was not in full control of his mental faculties at the time he committed the recent actions which have caused so much embarrassment to this great country.
Mr. Templeton is presently being cared for at Aldegar Psychiatric Hospital, where staff are confident he will make a full recovery, and in good time, return to serve his beloved country as a member of the Grand Council. He is grateful for the many wishes of support from ordinary Aldegarian citizens which have been flooding in.
I would like to make clear that the members of the Democratic Alliance who voted alongside Mr. Templeton in his mad acts of legislative folly were not responsible for their actions, because, it has now become clear, Mr. Templeton took advantage of his relationship with the security forces in order to intimidate these members into doing what he wanted.
I have appointed Barney Whittlethwaite to replace Mr. Templeton as First Minister. Barney is known to command respect from members of the Grand Council across all parties, and I hope everybody will join with me in supporting him as he takes Aldegar’s government forward.
For the time being, as your President, I would like to appeal for calm, and ask that we do not give the public an impression of panic by rushing into early elections. It is important that, at a sensitive time like this, we show unity and determination.
Shirley Jameson
(President of Aldegar)
Signed,
the Government of the Republic of Aldegar
